How do you represent forgiveness to someone who has mistreated you in the past? Forgiveness is for you, not them. Situations that require forgiveness are RICH with opportunity.

Let me back up a bit… I used to confuse “forgiveness” with having to accept poor behavior from someone. I used to think if I forgave someone of something, it meant I had to swallow my pride, shelve my own sense of right and wrong in order to find anything that resembled peace.

As I got older, I felt it was getting easier to justify being angry with different people I felt had “done me wrong”. I came to a crossroad; I could either isolate myself (in the name of victim-hood) or I could learn how to see things differently. I opted for the latter.

The first thing I did was write a list of every person I held a grudge against. Funny how a pattern emerged. I began seeing how my actions were eliciting the same responses in a variety of people and ways. I have to say, this is not an easy exercise. Looking at patterns and taking responsibility for my side of the street was less than pleasant. Upside, I started seeing where I could make different choices that would eventually lead me to a more peaceful/joyful place.

Now, let’s talk about forgiving those that create types of pain that run hard and deep. Maybe pain stemming from actions of mistrust, whatever they may be. Situations come up to be cleared, I firmly believe this. As I alluded to above, we can either stay in the victim mindset or we can rise to a place of power. It’s THAT SIMPLE. Bad stuff happens to great people. The older the wound the more impact is has on the choices we unconsciously make. I promise you, at some point, the unhealed wound will lead you down a path that ends with (HOPEFULLY) self reflection.

Now, how to forgive that person/people: I find it really helpful to TRY and see them in a neutral way. By “neutral” I'm talking about ridding the area of emotional weeds that have taken over. It’s not so much as forgiveness as it is “understanding”. At the end of the day, it’s not condoning poor behavior as much as it is finding action and power for yourself. We don’t grow in easy times, we grow when we are forced to expand. We usually are forced to expand when things are “tough”.

I hope this helps.

Here’s wishing you peace.



I have co-written a college journal article about self-reflection and peace of mind. It was based on a research and interview with experts. Forgiving is easier said than done, but it will definitely give you peace of mind. It will allow you to move on with your life and open new possibilities. Holding grudges will leave you restless. Thus if you want a peaceful state of mind, start contemplating on the things that leave you not at peace so you can reflect on things that you have to let go.

01/16/2018 7:26pm

It is a natural thing for a person to not easily forgive those people who have mistreated them. For some reasons, we deeply value trust and loyalty. That is why you hardly ever forgive and accept the apologies of your friend. But is it good that we let this unforgiving heart of ours continue? For me, part of maturity is to forgive those who mistreated you in the past. Yes, it's hard, but this is the right thing to do. This will help you as well to ease the pain. This will broaden your understanding about forgiveness. So, we should forgive and forget. At the end of the day, we should remember that past is past. Value the present time and nurture your relationship with the person you forgiven. Thank you for sharing this kind of blog post.

01/28/2018 4:20am

I totally agree with what you are saying here about forgiveness being really hard for someone. We do not really have the power to control our emotions and feelings, especially if what we are feeling is strong. Forgiving someone who did you wrong in the past is naturally hard to do. All I can confidently say is that time heals everything. If you cannot forgive someone then it is not time yet for him or her to be forgiven.


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