How do you represent forgiveness to someone who has mistreated you in the past? Forgiveness is for you, not them. Situations that require forgiveness are RICH with opportunity.
Let me back up a bit… I used to confuse “forgiveness” with having to accept poor behavior from someone. I used to think if I forgave someone of something, it meant I had to swallow my pride, shelve my own sense of right and wrong in order to find anything that resembled peace.
As I got older, I felt it was getting easier to justify being angry with different people I felt had “done me wrong”. I came to a crossroad; I could either isolate myself (in the name of victim-hood) or I could learn how to see things differently. I opted for the latter.
The first thing I did was write a list of every person I held a grudge against. Funny how a pattern emerged. I began seeing how my actions were eliciting the same responses in a variety of people and ways. I have to say, this is not an easy exercise. Looking at patterns and taking responsibility for my side of the street was less than pleasant. Upside, I started seeing where I could make different choices that would eventually lead me to a more peaceful/joyful place.
Now, let’s talk about forgiving those that create types of pain that run hard and deep. Maybe pain stemming from actions of mistrust, whatever they may be. Situations come up to be cleared, I firmly believe this. As I alluded to above, we can either stay in the victim mindset or we can rise to a place of power. It’s THAT SIMPLE. Bad stuff happens to great people. The older the wound the more impact is has on the choices we unconsciously make. I promise you, at some point, the unhealed wound will lead you down a path that ends with (HOPEFULLY) self reflection.
Now, how to forgive that person/people: I find it really helpful to TRY and see them in a neutral way. By “neutral” I'm talking about ridding the area of emotional weeds that have taken over. It’s not so much as forgiveness as it is “understanding”. At the end of the day, it’s not condoning poor behavior as much as it is finding action and power for yourself. We don’t grow in easy times, we grow when we are forced to expand. We usually are forced to expand when things are “tough”.
I hope this helps.
Here’s wishing you peace.
Answer: The human race fights because the illusion of separation cuts us off from one another. When separated, we can understand each other only through our limited bank of knowledge. We look back on our own experiences to make sense of someone's actions. This is rather subjective. The following is a simple example:
You're at the market picking up cupcakes for your child's school party. Your client ran late, causing your meeting to run over. You know your sweet, little one will be watching the classroom door, eagerly awaiting your arrival. You imagine his disappointment each time the door opens and another mother walks in. You're panicked because the party started 2 minutes ago. In a rush, you grab the cupcakes, run to the checkout line only to get behind the oldest, slowest, chattiest human EVER! You curse your choice of lines.
At some point, you convince yourself this "old coot" is doing this just to annoy you. You're sure he's somehow picked up on the fact that you are in a major hurry and has decided to tell the checker the story about his family gathering of the previous week. Slow Talker, you think to yourself.... slow. Freaking. Talker.
By this point you can just imagine your baby boy is feeling like you don't care about him as much as the other mothers must care about their kids. You're upset with your client. You’re upset with the checker and you're downright PISSED OFF at this little, old man. Why in the world did you decide to go back to work?!?!!? Being cut off from each other, there's no way of knowing "the rest of the story" (thank you Paul Harvey).
If we had the ability to peer into this other, sweet soul we would know that each week, this is one of only a few outings he goes on. We would know that he makes out his list, irons his clothes, puts on his hat and drives himself to the market. We would know that each week for 15 years, he and his lovely bride would go to lunch then go to the market. We would know that only a few months ago, his sweet wife passed away. We would know that this seemingly small human interaction is so very needed for this sweet man.
If the human race was connected, if we knew "the rest of the story", most likely we would be kinder, softer, sweeter with each other. It's only in these moments of isolation, irritation, stress, pain, and anger that we allow ourselves to lash out at each other. We don't realize the hurt and pain we cause, thus perpetuating the dark, downward spiral.
The example I gave was one that I think most of us can relate to. This is an everyday type of situation with not much more than an irritant at play. On a larger scale, we have an us versus them mentality that merely feeds the seemingly separate nature of mankind. The bi-partisan elections coming in 2016 reflect a strong tendency we have to separate within the country and against other countries.
I decided to watch the Republican debates with my three young-ish children. At one point, my youngest began crying, saying, “I'm scared. THEY say the ‘enemy is already here and WWIII has already begun’". Based on the potential leader of our country, we are supposed to detest the "bad guys", and cheer on this potential future president as he proposes that we "blow these guys off the map".
This is where fear and disconnectedness serve the powers that be. Man, I get it. I found myself hoping to feel safe (not realizing it was the same powers that be that scared the tar out of my kids to begin with). Can we really kill people we'd otherwise have a beer with? Can we kill another mother's son? Can we wish to kill a playmate's father?
Again, I get it. I get that it's not this simple. When we're cut off from each other and left to draw from external sources, it's much easier to succumb to fear and frustration, thus perpetuating the "us and them" mentality. The illusion of separation feeds the fear of being disconnected, but the truth is we are all connected.
The desire for connection is so incredibly pervasive in our society, we're blinded by it. They tell us, If we were "enough;" smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough, we'd have the "connectedness" we desire. The marketing machines’ wheels are greased by this single desire: connectedness. Thing is, our disconnectedness is simply an illusion, a really super duper strong illusion.
I have some great news! Connectedness is easy:
Well, kinda. It takes a little reconditioning (ok, a lot). All you have to do is rev up your heart (center, area, chakra... You pick the terminology). Try this: imagine a homeless person. What's the first thing that comes to mind? Maybe drugs? Maybe mental illness?
Think of this person as a child. Little boy. Think of him making life choices. Think of him holding his first-born child. Now, go back to the image of him as a homeless person. Do you feel a tiny bit of compassion? That, my friend, is recognizing the truth of the connection.
By: Kerry Walker
Answer: The heart is the bridge between the two hemispheres; the intellect (brain, 3D world we live in) and the emotion (the unseen, intangible feelings)
In eastern ideology, the heart is the halfway mark along the chakra path. Lower wheels spin earth energies, helping us live in and ground to the 3D world, while the upper three chakras connect us to the unseen world of Spirit and intuition.
In the western philosophies, the heart is the God Center Think about the Catholic Church's use of the term "sacred heart
These are just two examples of the use of the heart in this realm.
As you know, the heart supersedes the mind. The mind knows only what the personality has taught it. The heart knows so much more. The heart has a direct link to God (Spirit, Christ Consciousness, the Light.... )
It's important to note (at this point) that interpreting what information the heart is giving you (through feelings and emotions) is the key. The interpreting is often done through the filter of the ego. It's the ego we're trying to put to sleep so we can get what is really being said.
Example of ego and interpretation:
I often talk with my kids about the importance of perspective. The example I use (which seems to work) is about real estate. I tell them about two people that at different times have lived in a particular house. One man is ecstatic to live in a 4,000 square foot house in a nice neighborhood. He feels that he's "made it" and is very proud.
The other man feels like he's taken a wrong turn in life. He HAD five houses, each worth three times what this house costs. He's lost "everything" and now has sunk so low that he lives in this tiny, 4,000 square foot house. It's all perspective.
So, getting back to the importance of the heart and the perspective in which we interpret the information it gives us; hopefully now we can see how important it is to get ANY ego (personality) translation, out of the equation. When we allow God to talk to us through the heart, we shape our world outlook accordingly. In other words, in any culture, the heart shapes our world view.
Information (emotions and feelings) + translation = world view
By: Kerry Walker
Answer: I need you to visualize something….. close your eyes and try to see an upside down triangle. Next, I want you to draw a horizontal line as close to the tip of the triangle as you can. "You" are the tip. The top, or widest part of the triangle, is your higher self. Your higher self is seeking all expressions of life on this earth. As most of you know, “this earth” is a dimension, a dimension we call the 3-d. There are many, many dimensions above ours. We are the thickest, lowest dimension.
I love the metaphor Paramahansa Yogananda uses. He compares life to playing a role in a movie. I love Julia Roberts, so I’ll use her as an example. She’s a: prostitute, teacher, FBI agent, wife, mother, etc. At the end of each movie, she returns to being Julia Roberts. Same thing goes for each and every one of us. We are who we are. This go-round, I’m Kerry. What will I accomplish as Kerry? What will I experience as Kerry? What will I learn as Kerry? I’m not Kerry, I’m just playing the part of Kerry so I can get a certain view of life experiences
I’d like to take this one step further.
Get this, we all come to experience a myriad of personalities. In the end, we have all been the murderer, the murdered, the outcast, the king, the prostitute, the mother, the father, the white guy, the black guy, the gay guy, the leader, the slave, etc…. As we evolve, as we “climb the latter of conciousness” we no longer fear or judge others. We have compassion because… WE’VE BEEN THERE!!!!!!! We get the bigger picture.
I imagine sitting at a table with my Guides (spiritual companions, angels, counselors, etc) mapping out my life and what I wish to accomplish. Sort of a Life Contract. “This is what I’d like to accomplish this go-round.” We have freewill. We sometimes get side tracked from our contract. Not a problem, we can always return. I like to call it “the flow”. When you’re in The Flow, life just seems easy, kinda unfolds in a kismet manner.
We all know those (from 40-60 years old) that seem to have some sort of a life crisis. Illness, death of a partner, job loss, divorce. I believe this is your souls way of attempting a redirect, trying to change course to get you where you are meant to be… where YOU really want to be. Are these hardships or miracles?
My short answer to your question: Your soul wants to accomplish what it set out to experience this lifetime. Yep, pretty vague answer. Our F&%ked up society tells us we’re all meant to be wealthy and powerful. Funny to think you may have a “successful” life as a homeless, drug addict?!
By: Kerry Walker